It was very awkward
The phone call that
we I waited since the Sunday of that week from my mother made me anxious. Its been a while since we’ve spoken and well, not everybody is fond of rules.
My mother is an OFW assigned in the Middle East. She last came home to visit during my high school graduation two years ago.
So it was one of those gloomy days (Feb 4) where we get this inexpiable sadness. I get them, my friends get them, do you? I bet you do too.
I tried to find reasons why, and sometimes make up reasons why but I couldn’t. It was also the birthday of my late father, but I have no idea if it had any effect.
That same day my Physics teacher picked on me for being careless on basic mathematical problem. He called me up front right after I submitted my paper just to point out my error. I suck at Math and I hate it especially if I study to hard and I still get it wrong.
When I got home my sisters bugged me “what’s wrong Dj? Why so down?”
I myself couldn’t figure it out. I told them maybe it was because my Physics teacher who called me up front. They told me to suck up my pride because I’m just learning.
Then lo! my sister made a few miscalls to my mother until she returned the call through WhatsApp. My eldest sister told my mother that I wanted to talk to her.
Golly no! What do I say! Why Am I panicking inside?! But I still felt the sorrow in me.
Then we spoke.
After the call I felt mixed emotions. I felt lost. I missed her too. I haven’t been doing well. I know what to do, but I had no reason to keep doing it. I needed a light that for sure I realized.
I realized that I need to straighten out again. That sorrow moment was just maybe a collection of all the disappointment of the things I wished I could have done better. But what keeps me going? I am not sure. I don’t know. Life is not a bed of roses.
That is life.
I didn’t want the call but I got the call in the end.
I was gloomy yet glad.